I Hate Waiting...

I hate waiting.  There are things in life you just can't rush; Christmas, Summer Time or how long it takes you to forget a bad first date.  Then there are instances like;  disappearing wait-staff, professors who refuse to grade  papers or some jerk too busy talking on his cell-phone to realize he's just made a line of traffic miss the light.  Those are the moments I hate.

Waiting just makes me feel like I'm slipping backwards and in my experience going backwards is rarely, if ever, a good thing.  I'll try not to talk to much about my past here, little good could come from it.  But my "mother" was an avid believer in the bottle and baby-sitters.  I'm amazed someone didn't turn her into child services much earlier than they did.  I knew when I heard the beginning of her spiel of lies that I'd be stuck somewhere for far to long waiting for the lush to come back and get me.  When was about eight or nine one sitter had this little bridge in her front yard crossing a ditch by the roadside.  I'd sit there, legs dangling off that bridge, listening to cars approach.  I got really good at discerning different types of cars.  I really hated it when another car the same make as my moms would drive near.  As much as I despised her, she was at least the hell I knew.  I knew I'd be stuck waiting at this stranger's house for hours, sometimes days.  To her, I was just a speck of an image that faded out of sight in her rear-view mirror.

Overall my life is better now than it was in the past.  Living in the now is a trick, perhaps even an art. I used to practice the what-if magic like a pro, still do sometimes.  What if I'd had different parents, made better choices or a host of other possibilities.  All that did was depress me and led me to the conclusion that there was very little in my life that I  could've changed that would've drastically improved anything.  That realization sucked!

I believe we are responsible for our actions.  I also believe that we are players on the proverbial stage and that stage was at least initially set by other people.  Our parents for better or worse chart the course of our early lives, often in ways we never even realized until later.  You have to make the best you can of what they decided to do and sometimes that leaves us with little to no good options.

Wishful thinking will only bring you down.  Even if it's not a great present, better to be here than in the past.  The past is irrevocably set, you can't change it, and it got you to where you are now.  At least in the now, you might have some shot of bettering yourself.  If you aren't happy where you are at, then stop and figure out what got you there.  Did your parents set you on this course, did some friend do you wrong or are you the villain in your own story?

Regardless, sometimes letting go & moving on is the best, hardest thing to do. First rule, you can never really change anyone else.  You don't have the right to change them.  If something needs changing, look at yourself and see what you can alter about yourself or your situation.  If there are things or people in your life life that need to go, then send them packing.  Sometimes it really is them and not you to blame for them being difficult.

Remember, in life, your forgiveness is privilege not a their right or your responsibility.  Demand honesty.  It's always better just to have the other shoe drop and just get it over with, instead of waiting in dread.  Never expect anything from people, even if they tell you to, that way if they do what they said you can be pleasantly surprised.  I know that isn't nice, but sometimes people just suck.  Keep in mind you are people too and sometimes you just suck as well.

So don't keep people waiting.  Do be honest. Remember your playing on someone else's stage as well as your own.  Try not to suck too badly.