D Day

Well the health thing bottomed out today.  Last night was pure hell, with lot's of coughing, turning, aching, fevers, more coughing, shivering, not so much on sleep. This morning I got out of bed.  That makes it sound far more deliberate than it actually was, not to mention far more coordinated.  My entire body ached & my equilibrium was shot.  

My roomie had appointments of her own today but decided it was a good idea that I go to the doctor & I didn't think that I could drive.  So I spent over an hour to be told that I am not dying but do have a nasty upper respiratory infection.  Which led me to have to wait for a script to be filled at Walmart.  The only two good things about Walmart pharmacy are the facts it's located near the door & has seating.  After having a D (doctor) day & going to hellmart, I come home & take the meds.   I fairly much pass out for about an hour & a half.  

It's getting near bed & I decided to write my entry for this day & I've come to some conclusions.

1. I hate Dr.'s offices
2. I'm grateful for my roomie driving me about
3. I hate that Dr.'s overbook appointments
4. I'm glad I got the meds
5. I hate the fact antibiotics give me diarrhea
6. I'm hopeful this crap will pass in a day or two
7. I'm tired of being tired
8. I will be ever so grateful for a good night's sleep
9. I hate the ice cream truck that blared by today
10. I am thankful things weren't worse

There I bitched & appreciated.  To all of you out there, I hope this finds you in a good place & may you all get a good night's rest.

Sucky Night

Every so often my body feels the need to remind me that I am not the healthiest of people.  Last night was one of those times.  I've going on about allergies lately & the awfulness of those things, but it can escalate & it did.  

Since last Thursday I've been dealing with annoying post nasal drip & allergy issues.  Saturday found me feeling none too well, but I thought all I needed was a good night's sleep.  Then a little thing that I like to call the "Time Change" happened & stole an hour of my precious sleep.  So Sunday, I drudge around like the living dead.  Again I thought if I can get a good night's sleep I'll get through this.

Hah, allergies & post nasal drip conspired with crappy weather & I woke up in the middle of the night vacillating between a shaky feverish blur to a chilly chattering mess with a severe case of the shivers.  Not to be outdone my throat decides it needs to send me into a series of coughing fits.  There goes my good night's sleep.

This morning found me at Walmart doing shopping I really didn't feel up to, but reasoned I might feel worse the next day.  My crappy physical health was assaulted by Walmart's most uninviting atmosphere of blazing white & the annoyance of socially retarded shoppers.  Sorry, if that term isn't PC but it is the most apt descriptor of those people I can use without breaking out into a stream of cuss words & various other unwelcome epithets. 

At least that is done & hopefully I can get to the business of getting past this crappy health spell I'm in at the moment.  I hope you find yourselves doing well & in good health.

I'm Desended From Monkeys, The Hell You say...

I can't have been descended from monkeys or apes. Whatever, I came from, either developed in a nice moderate climate that never got to hot or too cold or I am descended from bears.  Bears, I'll buy that.  In my opinion there is only one thing to really do when it gets cold, hibernate.  

Yes, you should stock up on reserves, find a nice dark, cave-ish place (preferably with lots of blankets) & set your alarm for Spring Time.  Past the winter holidays there isn't mush good about Winter & I'm sure all those gifts will hold to spring.  If it's perishable, just set it on the floor in back room & I'm sure it'll stay frozen.

I do not like cold, at least not to any discernible level over hot.  I prefer a nice middle ground, extremes are just a drag.  I know the cold weather is necessary.  It resets everything.  It lets the plants rest & bugs die off.  I still don't like it.  Let me eat up, stock up, pile on the blankets & turn off the lights, cause I ready to sleep until at least March, maybe April.

Getting out of bed in the winter is act of utter betrayal & cruelty to one's body.  You are in your nice toasty place & have to leave it for the frozen level of hell your home has given refuge to for the season.  Which is worse, the cold floor, the cold keyboards or the cold toilet seat?  You take your pick.  And, all of this is on the inside.

If you venture out in the bitterness, you face ice, snow or sleet (that non-committal stuff).  Icy weather is never good & just because winter is gone doesn't mean icy weather is, there is always hail.  Outdoors leads to slippage, either on your butt or fishtailing across the road.

They say over the hills & through the dales.  To hell with that BS, if granny wants to see you tell her to come to you or get Skype, that is if your warm enough to still work the computer.  They say cold is good for computers, again BS.  I never get blue-screens any other time of the year like I do in the winter.  My little Dell hates, repeat hates, the cold.  It acts like a person, because the first things to screw up are the peripheral devices & their drivers.  You know the computer's fingers & toes.  They get frostbite.

Enough for now, my warm bed & cov-covs are calling me.

Here Comes The Ice...

In the middle of the night I heard this tapping at my windows, then a skittering sound across the glass.  I woke to figure out it was sleet, the beginnings of a mess.  We're supposed to get an Ice Storm here in OK today. I'm not a fan of the ice, it doesn't really scare me like some people, but I'm still not a fan.  

For those of you that just get snow, snow is far easier to deal with than ice, which is mostly what we get around these parts.  Snow can compact and actually give some traction.  Ice just leads to idiots trying to drive their cars like they're in some auto version of Skating With The Stars or the ice chapter of Top Gear.  Take your choice, neither one is pretty.

Ice demands respect.  If you can't give ice its due, then stay off of it.  Ice can send a well equipped vehicle, with a seasoned driver plummeting into a ditch.  What do think it can do to you & your vehicle?  For a lot of us, that part is avoidable, we just hunker down & stay in our homes.  That doesn't mean we're out of the icy woods though.

No, there are plenty of ways that the ice will still mess with you. Can you open your door or is it frozen shut?  Did your pipes freeze?  Do you still have power?  These are just a few of the bad things that happen in an ice storm.  Imagine being stranded out on an ice covered highway unable to get home.  Ice can leave you totally stranded; no power, no telephone, no way to get to or do anything.

If we are lucky, the ice will turn to snow.  Snow is far less problematic & usually prettier.  Icicles are pretty, you say.  You think those frozen spikes are pretty?  Ice is dangerous.  It can fall off of buildings in chunks or spikes, it can black ice a highway, it break tree limbs that fall through your roof.  I doubt there is little ice can't do if it gets chance.  Ever see a glacier?  


Give the frozen stuff it's due, stay inside if you can, but just play it safe with ice or you might end up like Dr. Yang, here...

Undoing The Frazzle...

This was me yesterday morning.  I sent myself into a tailspin & nearly crashed.  I was already prone sleep issues & nerves before HIV.   Add the stress of the illness & fact many of my my meds can put you on edge, it's amazing I don't stay in frantic mode 24/7.

I let myself start worrying about the future & something I figured out I could do for myself.   The van's dash lights went on the fritz & I figured knowing my luck, there goes the electrical.  Luck, oh yes Virgos believe in luck, freakin' unpredictable bad luck BS.  I found a Q&A on Answers.com that dealt with my exact issue.  Still, I let myself freak out on whether or not I could do it.  All I had to do was undo the battery cables and reconnect them, but some how I convinced myself in the morning, either it wasn't going to work or I'd damage the van worse than it already was.

About 8AM, I got the nerve to try it.   It worked, OM Freakin' G it worked.  I didn't make the van explode, the fabric of the universe didn't rip to shreds & toss us all into a pit of chaos.  I'm did a cautious, yet happy dance...

One must be careful with Happy Dances or else the Universe may decide you've got it too easy & slap you down. So do it, be thankful & love the moment, but realize it's just one of the day's many hurdles.

The problem here is that I let myself spin out of control, again.  I didn't try to the solution right in front of me & no I don't have a good reason why.  The biggest problem for me is just getting myself to focus and at least try.  If it works, whoo hooo.  If not, I tried.  I recently had a similar situation occur with a leaky tub.  For some reason then I trusted myself enough just to try what the Youtube video showed me on how to fix it.  Frazzledom is not about logic.

Frazzledom leads to anxiety, which leads to bad sleep, which leads to bad health.  These are things that everyone needs to realize.  HIV+ peeps really have to take this into mind.  When I'm sleeping well, I do dramatically better than when my zzz's are scattered to the wind.  I think that Lunesta moth/butterfly thing is stealing my zzz's & giving them to other people.  Creepy moth...

Focus is the goal.  To be centered & drive out the crappy thoughts that send us into a downward spiral.  We can do this, either on our own or with help, but it can be done.  If you're +, you'd better figure out how to get your sleep under control quickly.  It is the biggest part of your recovery and staying healthy, physically and emotionally.  If not you could end up like...

Frazzled...

I'm up damn early this morning, the Sun is no where in sight.  My nerves have annihilated my zzz's.  The van is throwing fits again & I have no idea what's wrong with it or how much it's going to cost.  I woke & started thinking about that & all the other $ I was going to need for upcoming expenses in the year & the jitters kicked into action.

I hate this, because if I don't get a handle on it quickly I could go into full out panic mode.  Frankly, my health and sanity can do without that.  But there's a new mower, dental expenses, car tags, car insurance & who knows what else lurking around the corner.

Everybody goes through this kind of thing.  Sometimes I just feel like I'm constantly living on the camel's back that is about to break from all these $ straws.  I try not to let it get in my head but I'm not so good at that.  I'm a Virgo & we Virgos like to have a plan of attack prepared for every situation.  If we don't, we get edgy & I'd measure that edginess with a richter magnitude scale.

So I'm up early waiting to see if I can get the car in to the mechanic or if they'll be open Monday.  It'll be MLK day. Now all I can do is wait & see.  As I said before, I hate waiting.  Hope your day goes better, cause...

Epivir, Didanosine & Vitamins oh my

Another day, another loading of the meds.  Epivir and Didanosine in the morning followed later by Norvir and Invirase.  I know it's an old cocktail, but it works for me, mostly. Mornings are always like the weather man's forecast for the rest of the day, their not always accurate.  Will it be a good day or not or will I spend most of the in the bathroom cussing my meds and allergies?  The AM is drastically influenced by how I slept.  The meds, HIV & life in general make my sleep iffy a lot of the times. It makes me edgy.  Lot's of negative dreams and night thoughts. Not nightmares, but dreams of bad things happening to people, lots of what-if this happens scenarios, and other mostly unpleasant things.  Occasionally they've led to nighttime panic episodes.  Not often, but one of those things is way too many. So far it seems like an OK day, except for having to go get the car which needed repairs on the tie-rods. Not sure what's going to happen today, hopefully not much, if something does I'll post, if not see you tomorrow.