Back To The Bug...

Woke up today feeling a little bit like a piece of dehydrated fruit, no pun intended.  The weather has been shifting widely here lately.  Yesterday it got up to 78 F & by Wednesday our high might reach 25 F.  Two things about HIV that most doctors will never tell you.; 1)  Everything in your environment can & most likely will affect the way you feel & 2) HIV will magnify almost any pre-existing conditions you may have had like allergies, IBS, body aches, etc...


What can you do about it?  Almost nothing.  The best you can do is to control your environment as much as possible & often that isn't much at all.  Every environmental factor can alter how you feel; temperature, humidity, allergens, light levels & so on.  Many of the meds you take can make you more sensitive to light & temperature.  


Now on to the actual living with this mess.  

1. Recognize what is your "normal" for any given situation; temperature, light reaction, allergies..
2. Know your meds & your reactions to them.
3. Do your best to stay in a level environment; temperature, humidity, light...
4. Wear a hat & sunglasses outside, do your best to block direct, intense light exposure.
5. This may be the most important one, stay hydrated.
6. Have a good relationship with your pharmacist, he'll known more about your meds than anyone.
7. Remember you're sick & you won't always feel well, but it usually will pass.
8. Other ongoing illnesses must be dealt with, they & HIV can aggravate each other.
9. If symptoms don't pass or move into pain, high fever or other oddness call your doctor.
10. If something feels wrong & no one listen, keep talking & pushing until someone does.

There are things you can do, like check you meds  & symptoms on the web.  You can get some good info that way.  But remember you can also get a lot of crap info off the web.  Above all else, do not work yourself into a frenzy over this.  Going crazy will not help you or your health.


Having HIV is not easy, pretty or even civil.  It's up to you to manage your disease as best you can., no one else will do it for you.  You have to keep on top of your meds, your stress levels, your environment, well damn near everything.  It can be frustrating, even exasperating.  


I don't always write about HIV in every entry, but believe me , it is having an effect on how & what I write about.  Do I have the attention span to with it today to write something relevant or witty?  Will I just write something to write something?  I get very sick of my life being about HIV, but it is about HIV, my meds, my well-being, my doctor appointments, my trips to the lab & so on. Once you have HIV, it is your life, just accept it & try to make the best of it.  I'm sure having diabetes is no different.  So let's just suck it up & hopefully tomorrow we'll feel better.  I better, I have to go shopping.

Undoing The Frazzle...

This was me yesterday morning.  I sent myself into a tailspin & nearly crashed.  I was already prone sleep issues & nerves before HIV.   Add the stress of the illness & fact many of my my meds can put you on edge, it's amazing I don't stay in frantic mode 24/7.

I let myself start worrying about the future & something I figured out I could do for myself.   The van's dash lights went on the fritz & I figured knowing my luck, there goes the electrical.  Luck, oh yes Virgos believe in luck, freakin' unpredictable bad luck BS.  I found a Q&A on Answers.com that dealt with my exact issue.  Still, I let myself freak out on whether or not I could do it.  All I had to do was undo the battery cables and reconnect them, but some how I convinced myself in the morning, either it wasn't going to work or I'd damage the van worse than it already was.

About 8AM, I got the nerve to try it.   It worked, OM Freakin' G it worked.  I didn't make the van explode, the fabric of the universe didn't rip to shreds & toss us all into a pit of chaos.  I'm did a cautious, yet happy dance...

One must be careful with Happy Dances or else the Universe may decide you've got it too easy & slap you down. So do it, be thankful & love the moment, but realize it's just one of the day's many hurdles.

The problem here is that I let myself spin out of control, again.  I didn't try to the solution right in front of me & no I don't have a good reason why.  The biggest problem for me is just getting myself to focus and at least try.  If it works, whoo hooo.  If not, I tried.  I recently had a similar situation occur with a leaky tub.  For some reason then I trusted myself enough just to try what the Youtube video showed me on how to fix it.  Frazzledom is not about logic.

Frazzledom leads to anxiety, which leads to bad sleep, which leads to bad health.  These are things that everyone needs to realize.  HIV+ peeps really have to take this into mind.  When I'm sleeping well, I do dramatically better than when my zzz's are scattered to the wind.  I think that Lunesta moth/butterfly thing is stealing my zzz's & giving them to other people.  Creepy moth...

Focus is the goal.  To be centered & drive out the crappy thoughts that send us into a downward spiral.  We can do this, either on our own or with help, but it can be done.  If you're +, you'd better figure out how to get your sleep under control quickly.  It is the biggest part of your recovery and staying healthy, physically and emotionally.  If not you could end up like...

Control...Now That's A Laugh...

Most people try to manipulate their environment, to make it as optimum as possible.  The more out of control or unsettling the situation the more we try to get a hold on it, a strangle hold.  That usually flies like a sack of bricks. Life just doesn't work that way.  

This last week, the first week January mind you (in the Northern Hemisphere where it is supposed to be winter), has had two days in the 70's F where it should at most be the upper 40's F.  This may sound great for the heating bill, but also sounds great to the grass, fleas & allergies.  For every give there is a take.

My household came into some $ last month, (roomie's Xmas cash). I thought, great she can get her glasses replaced.  There was a little left over & we decided just to let it ride in the household kitty.  That lasted all of three days before the car decided it needed new tie-rods. Bye, bye $, nice knowing you. I know I'm rambling, but to paraphrase Bear Grylls, "There is a point..."

A hard lesson for a Virgo set in his ways, life isn't about control, it's about learning to roll with the punches.  Developing tactics to deal with all of life's BS & there will be BS, lots of it, every kind possible; familial, economic, weather, you name it, BS. It's about coming to understand that you may be able to cause some subtle effect on your environment by adjusting the thermostat, having an emergency fund or just someone to commiserate with, but you are not in control.  Get used to it.

So make your survival plans, have your emergency kits, keep in touch with friends,  you're going to need them.  I'm not sure who to quote Bette Davis about a bumpy ride or just to go with ELO and say hold on tight to your dreams.  Either way I hope this ride called life has more up's than down's for you & me.