D Day

Well the health thing bottomed out today.  Last night was pure hell, with lot's of coughing, turning, aching, fevers, more coughing, shivering, not so much on sleep. This morning I got out of bed.  That makes it sound far more deliberate than it actually was, not to mention far more coordinated.  My entire body ached & my equilibrium was shot.  

My roomie had appointments of her own today but decided it was a good idea that I go to the doctor & I didn't think that I could drive.  So I spent over an hour to be told that I am not dying but do have a nasty upper respiratory infection.  Which led me to have to wait for a script to be filled at Walmart.  The only two good things about Walmart pharmacy are the facts it's located near the door & has seating.  After having a D (doctor) day & going to hellmart, I come home & take the meds.   I fairly much pass out for about an hour & a half.  

It's getting near bed & I decided to write my entry for this day & I've come to some conclusions.

1. I hate Dr.'s offices
2. I'm grateful for my roomie driving me about
3. I hate that Dr.'s overbook appointments
4. I'm glad I got the meds
5. I hate the fact antibiotics give me diarrhea
6. I'm hopeful this crap will pass in a day or two
7. I'm tired of being tired
8. I will be ever so grateful for a good night's sleep
9. I hate the ice cream truck that blared by today
10. I am thankful things weren't worse

There I bitched & appreciated.  To all of you out there, I hope this finds you in a good place & may you all get a good night's rest.

Not With It

Still not feeling all the well. I'm better today then I was, but still not great.  I'm not sure the last time I really felt great.  That isn't something I think I've felt since long before I was +.  The night was better but the morning has been a drag with a lot of coughing & throat clearing.

We have several cats & this morning they were in full out pissy fest.   I hate the noise of a growling cat, it's like a really obnoxious alarm clock.   There was growling, hissing & in a lot of cat style hell-raising.  I could've gladly sacrificed them all to some god of health or quiet this morning.

Needless to say, my mood is questionable. So I'll stroke my inner Virgo today & make a list. This a list of thing that I am tired of this morning.

1. Squalling cats
2. Post Nasal Drip
3. Endless coughing
4. Sore ribs that came from the endless coughing
5. Local news people who like extras from a George Romero movie
6. Endless reruns due to sports shows
7. Sports shows
8. Big businesses complaining how bad they have it
9. Aflac for hiring Gilbert Gottfried & Alflac for firing Gottfried
10. Politicians of any breed, flavor or variety

There are only ten & believe I could on, but I won't.  I feel a little better.  Virgos do love their lists.  Maybe you should make a list today.  It could be things you hate, things you love, things that make you wonder WTF, or whatever you want it to be about.

Sucky Night

Every so often my body feels the need to remind me that I am not the healthiest of people.  Last night was one of those times.  I've going on about allergies lately & the awfulness of those things, but it can escalate & it did.  

Since last Thursday I've been dealing with annoying post nasal drip & allergy issues.  Saturday found me feeling none too well, but I thought all I needed was a good night's sleep.  Then a little thing that I like to call the "Time Change" happened & stole an hour of my precious sleep.  So Sunday, I drudge around like the living dead.  Again I thought if I can get a good night's sleep I'll get through this.

Hah, allergies & post nasal drip conspired with crappy weather & I woke up in the middle of the night vacillating between a shaky feverish blur to a chilly chattering mess with a severe case of the shivers.  Not to be outdone my throat decides it needs to send me into a series of coughing fits.  There goes my good night's sleep.

This morning found me at Walmart doing shopping I really didn't feel up to, but reasoned I might feel worse the next day.  My crappy physical health was assaulted by Walmart's most uninviting atmosphere of blazing white & the annoyance of socially retarded shoppers.  Sorry, if that term isn't PC but it is the most apt descriptor of those people I can use without breaking out into a stream of cuss words & various other unwelcome epithets. 

At least that is done & hopefully I can get to the business of getting past this crappy health spell I'm in at the moment.  I hope you find yourselves doing well & in good health.

Undoing The Frazzle...

This was me yesterday morning.  I sent myself into a tailspin & nearly crashed.  I was already prone sleep issues & nerves before HIV.   Add the stress of the illness & fact many of my my meds can put you on edge, it's amazing I don't stay in frantic mode 24/7.

I let myself start worrying about the future & something I figured out I could do for myself.   The van's dash lights went on the fritz & I figured knowing my luck, there goes the electrical.  Luck, oh yes Virgos believe in luck, freakin' unpredictable bad luck BS.  I found a Q&A on Answers.com that dealt with my exact issue.  Still, I let myself freak out on whether or not I could do it.  All I had to do was undo the battery cables and reconnect them, but some how I convinced myself in the morning, either it wasn't going to work or I'd damage the van worse than it already was.

About 8AM, I got the nerve to try it.   It worked, OM Freakin' G it worked.  I didn't make the van explode, the fabric of the universe didn't rip to shreds & toss us all into a pit of chaos.  I'm did a cautious, yet happy dance...

One must be careful with Happy Dances or else the Universe may decide you've got it too easy & slap you down. So do it, be thankful & love the moment, but realize it's just one of the day's many hurdles.

The problem here is that I let myself spin out of control, again.  I didn't try to the solution right in front of me & no I don't have a good reason why.  The biggest problem for me is just getting myself to focus and at least try.  If it works, whoo hooo.  If not, I tried.  I recently had a similar situation occur with a leaky tub.  For some reason then I trusted myself enough just to try what the Youtube video showed me on how to fix it.  Frazzledom is not about logic.

Frazzledom leads to anxiety, which leads to bad sleep, which leads to bad health.  These are things that everyone needs to realize.  HIV+ peeps really have to take this into mind.  When I'm sleeping well, I do dramatically better than when my zzz's are scattered to the wind.  I think that Lunesta moth/butterfly thing is stealing my zzz's & giving them to other people.  Creepy moth...

Focus is the goal.  To be centered & drive out the crappy thoughts that send us into a downward spiral.  We can do this, either on our own or with help, but it can be done.  If you're +, you'd better figure out how to get your sleep under control quickly.  It is the biggest part of your recovery and staying healthy, physically and emotionally.  If not you could end up like...

What's This, What's That

When you're +, there's a continuum between paranoia and lackadaisical concern about your health. OMG, there's a rash, I have a fever or what's the suspicious purple spot?  Then it turns out to be a patch of dry skin, a cold & a bruise you got when the car door whacked your leg.  It could've been worse, much worse, an HIV related rash, the beginning pneumonia or the Big C.   Do you turn ever vigilante (paranoid) or do you just go all Doris Day and and say que sera, sera.

Now for the Yoda moment, "Balance, one must have."

You can't simply ignore your concerns, but you can't focus on them either.  You have to be a bit disciplined about this matter.  Something I'm not particularly good at.  If you notice something different or new, make a note of it.  If it's persists, checks it out with your friends or online info sources like Webmd.  If it persists further, causes you discomfort or the info you find is disturbing call you doctor.

The bad thing about HIV is after a while, a far too short of a time, you will probably know more about HIV, your personal condition & meds than your primary care physician.  Scary, but true.  Your primary doc is probably a generalist of some type.  He/she won't specialize in HIV or list of other ailments like, pulmonary, diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis for that matter.  That doesn't mean that your physician is bad, it just means you need a specialists.  Even then you're going to be more aware of your own situation than anyone else so speak up and don't let them ignore you.

Next week I'll have regular labs drawn again; CD4, CBC, CMP & a HIV-VL Ultrasenstive Quantitative.  Then I will hope that they get the labs drawn right and I don't have to get stuck again.  I hate needles.

If all goes well in about a week I'll have my labs back and look at the results.  Then I'll go see my porta-doc wherever they park the bus this month.  Hopefully, the doc will say your labs look good and send me on my way until the next appointment in the telemedicine bus.

I know it's a bit weird seeing your physician over a monitor in a bus, but it beats driving 120 miles for 30 minute appointment, then having to do the trip back home.  With the bus it maybe takes 45 minutes from start to scratch.  Doing the drive and seeing the doc, takes 4 - 6 hours depending on the traffic.  So I am very thankful for the telemedicine bus.

While it's easy to drive yourself nuts with health paranoia, you have to learn to relax about the matter.  You do what you can and what you can't, you can't.  It sucks and it may sound cavalier, but's it's what I can do.  I can take my med, watch my health (probably better than I do), have my labs drawn & see my doctor.  Those are the things I can do.  What can you do?