D Day

Well the health thing bottomed out today.  Last night was pure hell, with lot's of coughing, turning, aching, fevers, more coughing, shivering, not so much on sleep. This morning I got out of bed.  That makes it sound far more deliberate than it actually was, not to mention far more coordinated.  My entire body ached & my equilibrium was shot.  

My roomie had appointments of her own today but decided it was a good idea that I go to the doctor & I didn't think that I could drive.  So I spent over an hour to be told that I am not dying but do have a nasty upper respiratory infection.  Which led me to have to wait for a script to be filled at Walmart.  The only two good things about Walmart pharmacy are the facts it's located near the door & has seating.  After having a D (doctor) day & going to hellmart, I come home & take the meds.   I fairly much pass out for about an hour & a half.  

It's getting near bed & I decided to write my entry for this day & I've come to some conclusions.

1. I hate Dr.'s offices
2. I'm grateful for my roomie driving me about
3. I hate that Dr.'s overbook appointments
4. I'm glad I got the meds
5. I hate the fact antibiotics give me diarrhea
6. I'm hopeful this crap will pass in a day or two
7. I'm tired of being tired
8. I will be ever so grateful for a good night's sleep
9. I hate the ice cream truck that blared by today
10. I am thankful things weren't worse

There I bitched & appreciated.  To all of you out there, I hope this finds you in a good place & may you all get a good night's rest.

Dr. Appt.

Today was the telemedicine day, I've mentioned them before.  I picked up my lab results last week & this morning I was off to the bus to talk the students doctors there & converse with the doctors in Tulsa.

All went fine.  My counts are always low, but they're consistent, so I'm not worried.  They go over the results & tell me nothing I didn't already know.  I'm a pro at this game.  They talk about how old school my med regimen is, but I don't care.  My regimen works for me & there aren't that many options for HIV medication, I'd rather not burn through them just because my meds are out of vogue or passe.

They gripe about my blood pressure sometimes & ask why I'm not taking something for it.  The reason is simple, they are the only ones that consistently read my blood pressure high.  My primary physician doesn't, my BP cuff doesn't, hell the thing at Walmart doesn't even read my blood pressure as high.  I wonder if they ever consider being in a place because you are + & going over labs could elevate your BP.  Then again maybe their fancy little machine needs to be recalibrated.

Every few months I go to see the bus of doctors & it's always a new pair of students docs.  This time was a nice change of pace, I got a man.  Not that I've got anything against women, but I hate the soft touch.  Let me clarify.  When this doctor needed to touch me, he did so firmly & with confidence, not hesitation & all the force of a cold, dead fish.  It's like getting a creepy dead-fish handshake, just plain eeeewwwww, yucky.  Half the time, I wonder if some of the doctors are confused about HIV transmission.  You can not be infected with HIV by touching a + person while listening to their heart & lungs.  Either get me male docs or some butcher women.

The trip is over & nothing has changed for better or worse, which I suppose is a good thing.  I get another four month reprieve from the telemedicine bus.

What's This, What's That

When you're +, there's a continuum between paranoia and lackadaisical concern about your health. OMG, there's a rash, I have a fever or what's the suspicious purple spot?  Then it turns out to be a patch of dry skin, a cold & a bruise you got when the car door whacked your leg.  It could've been worse, much worse, an HIV related rash, the beginning pneumonia or the Big C.   Do you turn ever vigilante (paranoid) or do you just go all Doris Day and and say que sera, sera.

Now for the Yoda moment, "Balance, one must have."

You can't simply ignore your concerns, but you can't focus on them either.  You have to be a bit disciplined about this matter.  Something I'm not particularly good at.  If you notice something different or new, make a note of it.  If it's persists, checks it out with your friends or online info sources like Webmd.  If it persists further, causes you discomfort or the info you find is disturbing call you doctor.

The bad thing about HIV is after a while, a far too short of a time, you will probably know more about HIV, your personal condition & meds than your primary care physician.  Scary, but true.  Your primary doc is probably a generalist of some type.  He/she won't specialize in HIV or list of other ailments like, pulmonary, diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis for that matter.  That doesn't mean that your physician is bad, it just means you need a specialists.  Even then you're going to be more aware of your own situation than anyone else so speak up and don't let them ignore you.

Next week I'll have regular labs drawn again; CD4, CBC, CMP & a HIV-VL Ultrasenstive Quantitative.  Then I will hope that they get the labs drawn right and I don't have to get stuck again.  I hate needles.

If all goes well in about a week I'll have my labs back and look at the results.  Then I'll go see my porta-doc wherever they park the bus this month.  Hopefully, the doc will say your labs look good and send me on my way until the next appointment in the telemedicine bus.

I know it's a bit weird seeing your physician over a monitor in a bus, but it beats driving 120 miles for 30 minute appointment, then having to do the trip back home.  With the bus it maybe takes 45 minutes from start to scratch.  Doing the drive and seeing the doc, takes 4 - 6 hours depending on the traffic.  So I am very thankful for the telemedicine bus.

While it's easy to drive yourself nuts with health paranoia, you have to learn to relax about the matter.  You do what you can and what you can't, you can't.  It sucks and it may sound cavalier, but's it's what I can do.  I can take my med, watch my health (probably better than I do), have my labs drawn & see my doctor.  Those are the things I can do.  What can you do?