Two Months In

Somehow I have managed to keep this thing going for two whole months.  For someone usually as noncommittal as myself, that's fairly astounding.  So what will I ramble on about today?

I could talk about the fact that today is the anniversary of the start of the second opium war, or the day AT&T was incorporated, when the United States decided to start censoring the mail or when Carmen first played.   But none of that, besides the At&T thing, really has any direct bearing on my blog today.  What does have bearing?

Writing this blog is becoming part of my Virgoan ritual and it is an interesting way for me express whatever I'm feeling at the time to whoever might happen upon these pages.  I wondered who would read this blog in the beginning, maybe no one.  At first, that bothered me.  Then I thought that this blog is more for myself & my own outlet than anything else.  If you like my writing, then thank you for reading it.  Not to be snide, but if you don't like it, there is a next blog link at the top of the page.  Try it sometime, I do & I've found some interesting blogs.

I can't tell you what this month will bring for me, if I'm lucky the bad things will be limited. My March third won't be as exciting as being the day that Time magazine first published, a new Turkey emerged or Rodney King getting beaten by the L.A. cops.  However, in this little part of the world, this March third will be mine.   My beginning of the third month of my blog.  My beginning of Spring.  My time with my roomie & cats.  Maybe I'll win a million or go write a novel.  Maybe I'll do nothing at all.  Whatever it is that I will or won't do, it will be mine.

Maybe that sounds a little selfish, but from time to time, you just have to be.  You have to look after yourself & make sure you're getting what you need.  Today, I'll take a cue from a duck.

Aware & Thankful...

A blog I read touched on a subject that struck a nerve with me & makes me realize somethings for which I am thankful.  The blog is The Ravings of  Blackhaired Barbie.   This particle entry was responding to an article on Kotaku about mean-geek reactions & slurs slung at female gamers.  If you have to ask what mean-geeks are they are like mean-girls but geeky & male.  These pathetic little boys couldn't handle female players, especially not when the girl kicked their asses.  The geeks resorted to slurs consisting mainly of fat, ugly or slutty.  These comments have become some common place among these boys there is a FUS blog.  It isn't a blog to cry poor me those boys won't let me play their geek-deer games.  It's a blog mainly about the stupidity of gamer boys.

I'm aware it can be a total pain to be female in this society.   I'm not saying it's easy being male either, but it's the hell I know.  I don't have to worry about getting pregnant, having a period or getting menopause.  I don't have to worry about lower pay rates or glass ceilings.  Most men will never knew the feeling of being treated purely like property or as a piece a meat/ass, like any woman will.  I realize there are some things this society will tolerate from women that they won't from males.  I think that is total BS as well.  Simpy stated, I am thankful I am not female.

Last Thursday, CSI aired an episode about deaf people.  The culprit in the story was a total loser who thought that deaf & wheelchair bound people had everything in society given to them so he tried to con them.   I nearly spat out my drink when the character said that, the audacity & stupidity of such a statement.  Still, some people do feel that way.  I guess they never consider the trade-off or not being able to hear or being trapped in a chair forever.  Hearing & mobility, without those in this society, at least for me, would be unimaginably hard, almost herculean.  To lose my music or not be able to go into any store I wanted because it didn't meet the needs of my particular disability would be awful & frustrating.  Only an idiot would be jealous of someone else just because the other person had a disability.

I am on SSI.  I am considered disabled.  I am +.  However, I know things could be so much worse.  I am thankful for not being female, not being deaf & most importantly I am thankful I never had any children.  I'm sure some people would gasp at that statement.   But, what could I do to help them, to take care of them if I did have children?

I am aware that I am thankful for these things.   But, I can't sympathize with them, I'm not even sure I can entirely empathize with these people.  I am none of these things mention above & nothing in my life leaves feeling confident enough to say I know what they're going through & how it feels.  What I can do, is to acknowledge these peoples' struggles, not add to them, be helpful where I can & be very thankful that their lives are not my own.

One Month Anniversary...

I should be getting a gift for my blog, after all its be a full month since I stared this experience.  Ha, I have no regard for people who feel so unsure of a relationship that they have to mark every passing moment like there won't be another.  Don't misunderstand me, I am a gift giver. I'm actually pretty good at it.  Gifts should have purpose or be totally whimsical, but they should always have the recipient in mind.  There's really nothing worse than getting a gift from someone who's supposed to be involved in your life that had absolutely no thought put into it.  If you don't want to try & get a good gift, just tell the person that you suck at gift giving & give them a money card.


I digress, this is about the relationship between my blog & me.  So far, so good, I can't complain, not like I'm going to take it out to see a movie or anything, it's a blog. This blog was supposed to be about my life after my eleventh HIV-Day.  I haven't wrote about being + everyday & I have no intention of it.  HIV alters my life enough with having to bow down it to every second of the day, 24/7. 


I tried to look for other similar blogs, so far no luck.  The other HIV blogs I've found have been dedicated to technically medical, legislative, hospice, world scene or political.  I'm pretty sure there are HIV blogs out there just about living, maybe I'll find them.  It might nice to read about someone else's experience being +.  I'm sort of used to having to go solo in this issue though.  There aren't any support groups around my area & it's been difficult looking online.  I'm a very gregarious Virgo, I can talk up a storm with someone, but its not usually very personal unless I really, really have to or I know the person.  Opening up on personal matters such as this just isn't me.


The HIV+ 01032001 blogs heads out into its second month wish us luck.