Letting Go

I am a Virgo, therefore a creature of habit.  I am the person that stayed at the crappy job way too long, simply because I was used to it.  I am the person that stayed involved with someone just because the situation was familiar like an old shoe.  I get into habits, like what I want to eat, when I do this or that or what I watch on TV.  I've been coming to terms with that last one lately.  I have decided that Mondays nights suck for TV, at least for me, unless I go to serious rerun land.  

 

I've been watching House for years & up until the last two seasons I've found it fairly fun.  Harry's Law was something new by David E. Kelly who I usually like.  Chicago Code, well it was on in between so I tried to watch it.

Chicago Code turned out to be a show entirely built on stereotypes & stock imagery, boring & loud.  BTW, making something loud, doesn't make it less boring, it just ups to the annoyance factor.  Harry's Law started out promising.  I love the characters, but there really isn't any story.  It's more like a lot of bad Saturday Night Live skits & dramatic improv sewn together.  Maybe season two will be better, i'm willing to look back at later if it makes it to a second season.

Now House is the problem for me.  It has become a habit, comfortable & expected.  Lately though they have slaughtered my show with poorly written slop.  There are tons of places to catch up with what's going on with the show if you don't watch it, so I won't recap.  The point is that one of my fav shows is going down the tube & I have to decide will I commit to watching the death throws or will I make like a rat & abandon ship.  Before, I would've stayed loyal & complained all the way.  Now, I'm not so sure.  I'm willing to give the show a chance to dig itself out of the steaming pile they've buried themselves in, but not too much of one.  

This may not sound like much of a revelation to you, but for me it is.  It's another place in my life where I can take out the proverbial trash.  I am not willing to watch shows that I really don't like. If I feel compelled to look at it, I will do so online where I can fast forward through the crap scenes.  I hope House improves, but if it doesn't it won't be the end of the world.  It's just a TV show & no longer that good of one.  My life won't end if I break this habit.  Hell, it'll probably just make room for me to get a new one.  See that's the thing we habitual folks may trade habits but we rarely, if ever, entirely get rid of them.  

Seems like my Monday nights may soon be open, maybe I'll catch up on my Netflix list or something else I need to do, who knows.  

Getting through the days...

About a year after my diagnosis, I went to the hospital for extreme anemia, a reaction to Retrovir aka AZT.  This was the last straw on the camel's back and since then I've been on SSI disability. Some say great and it did cover most the bills, but being home all day, everyday is taxing. Barely enough $ to make ends meet and no where near enough to do much in the way of diversion.

Rituals, habits & patterns become important to you in ways you never considered.  They're your clock & calendar.  Oh, it's time to dishes, it's Thursday better vacuum, it's second/fourth Monday of the month better mow the lawn.  Those things that mark your time between sleeping, week passage or next month's bills become the things that get you through the day and the things you really despise.

It's almost a crisis when something happens that doesn't fall into your daily rut.  How bad will this throw me off, how much $ will this take, or just WHAT NOW!?  Even if it's a good thing or something just slightly diverting, you somewhat resent it for not having the decency to be planned into your day ahead of time.  In situations like mine surprises are rarely good and almost never welcome. Whenever you're dealing with someone in a situation similar;  an elderly relative, a sick friend, or your sibling at home with three kids, remember you may have just thrown their entire system out of whack, so be a little patient and understanding.  I know it's way OCD and limiting but it's what I/we have.