This Is What I Can Do...

I have always been edgy, not necessarily in the cool way either.  Being raised the way I was leaves one in a state of hyper awareness & reaction.  It often decides to display itself at the most disadvantageous of times. Being on disability, $ is always a major issue.   If I'm not careful I can utterly freak myself out about, especially at night.  I usually go to bed just fine, somewhere in the night I awake & for some reason thoughts of doom & dread come flying into my head.

Sometimes, I completely fail at containing these feelings & go into full out panic.  This sucks, let me repeat, THIS SUCKS!!!  Everything goes faster, is louder & is more intense in nearly every aspect.  It's like some one drugged you with coke & LSD at the same time, a freaked out, bad trip.

Other times I manage to get it under control & remind myself that at this moment there is nothing I can do about whatever situation is about to drive me bonkers.  There will be no benefit in giving into the primal urge just to freak out.  I have to really embrace the Virgo & tell myself I'll make a plan for it, something that will allow me to cope with this problem the best way that I can.

I look at the problem & have to access what needs to be done, what I'd like to do & what I can do.  It's been hard learning to accept that although there things in my life that should be handled this way or that, that I have to deal with the fact that I may or may not be able to accomplish things in those manners.  I had to learn to accept my limits & be alright with what I could do.

I sign a lot of petitions on-line for political, environmental & other reasons.  Inevitably these places always ask for donations or volunteers.  I can't do those things & sometimes it gets to me.  I'd love to give some of these movements or websites $.  I'd love to give to some of the causes I support.  I'd love to give Wikipedia  some $ Love or Shane Dawson on Youtube, but I can't. I don't have the $ to give.  As for volunteering, most of these movements don't have anything near & even if they did, most of the time I wouldn't feel up to doing it.  Past that, if I did feel up to volunteering, there such weird rules for someone on disability doing anything, even volunteering, it could jeopardize my situation.

I can sign the petitions, I can send emails & I can go to all the click-to-give sites & click.  I know it doesn't sound like much & most likely it isn't.  Sometimes it really does bother me to be so ineffective in matters that I care about.  I have to remind myself that I am doing what I can do & I just have to accept that.

When you find yourself in a place where you have to decide what course of action you're going to take on some matter.

1. Examine the situation.  
2. What are your options?  
3. Do you even want to get involved?
4. What should be done in the situation?
5. What can you feasibly do?
6. What won't wreck your bank account?
7. What won't overwhelm the rest of your life & responsibilities?
8. Then accept the remaining as what you can do.
9. Then do what you can do.
10. Accept that you've contributed what you could.

It may not matter to much, but it was something.  That's better than nothing or being totally callous to the situation.  A lot of small things can add up to be something pretty tremendous, consider all the little drops that formed canyons.  It's OK to be one of those tiny little drops that in concert will cut out a canyons or form a new river bed.  It's OK to be small part of a large thing.  I know we're not taught that, but it is OK.  That's the whole basis of a grassroots movement.

Do what you can...

It only takes a drop of water to move the world

That's what one little drop can do