So The Drama...

I may not have mentioned this before, but I am a Sociologist, yes, a card carrying, Ph.D. earning Sociologist.  There are lot of ways we filter things in our lives & mine is often through my discipline.  Our field of study, our religious/philosophical leanings, our political idioms, etc...often affect how we filter the goings on in the world into this little we call reality.  Reality isn't something that is set or even all that certain.  It's only concrete when we agree it is so.  If we don't agree, it's turtles all the way down.

I specialized in Social Psychology & Social Ecology. More over I am a theorist.  Most theories in sociology come in either macro or micro levels (big or small), I think that is faulty & reductionist. The small affects the big & vice verse.  But for the time I'll stick with the sort of small.   According to Dramaturgy, Shakespeare was right & all the world's a stage.  Dramaturgy is an aspect of Symbolic Interactionism, which basically discusses how we all interact with others, things & the meanings that arise from these interactions with others & things.

South Park's episode,  Sexual Healing S14E01, was about sexual addiction.  The episode presents sexual addiction as a ruse for the behavior of those people who have been caught in compromising situations.   (I have no idea if the writers actually feel this way or not.)   At one point one of the boys, Kyle, calls BS on it all & says that everyone just needs to responsibility for their actions.  This is the part that I do agree with entirely.

I am not an existentialist that believes you are in control of every part of your life, but I do believe in taking responsibility for it.  My parents were horrible, they were alcoholics, abusive & they bailed.  The fact is they screwed my life up irrevocably.  The stage that my life plays out on was initially set by my parents & other factors beyond my control.  I do not hold myself accountable for that. However, I am now an adult & regardless of the setting & stage props I have to make due with the scene playing out before me.

I can not choose the background from which I am from.  I couldn't choose a lot of things that were decided for me before I was an adult.   I can now.  I can choose & I can accept the consequences for those decisions.  I am not normal, I will never be that.  I came from the proverbial sea of chaos & was the little kid trying to be a rock.  As a young adult I felt like chaos trapped in a sea of rocks.  Then I moved on to the motto, "I am a leaf on the wind, watch me soar." Well, all of those ideas & actions got me to where I am now & I have to accept it.  I am on disability.  I am not anywhere I thought I would be at my age.  I am +.  Most of all, this is my doing. Sometimes knowing that is just plain awful, but at least I did it & it wasn't done to me.

My actions, reactions or inactions have made my life mine.  I just have to accept that, hopefully embrace it or I'm left with my life being little more than a Kim Possible Movie.