Somewhat Of A Dud

I shop on Mondays.  For some reason the hell known as Walmart was busy today.  Nothing really worth mentioning occurred other than the normal annoyances of dealing with wally world.  I'm glad there wasn't much of anything else.  Allergies are back in full swing.  I'm already sick of trees & all their sexual release being spewed out into the air to cover us all in their attempts to procreate.

Cedars, Maples & Junipers have all declared this over-sexualized war on the world leaving it covered in this sticky yellow-green dusting of spores.  Like it or not all pollen is plant spunk & nothing more.  It covers the car & the porch with a nasty layer of reproductive byproducts.

Spring may be pretty with all it's flowers & showy birds, but the season is for one thing & one thing only, sex.  First you get hit with all the genetic material & then a little while later you're stuck dealing with the offspring or whatever....



After the world has covered you in the precursors of plant life, it scatters its babies into the air to land wherever they might.  They land in your car, your yard or even in your mouth as you inhale.  All in all spring is a NC-17 season.  Let's move onto to summer where all we have to deal with is idiots giving themselves melanoma.

Dreary Days

I"m not a fan of much, but definitely not of dreary overcast days.  All you Edward & Bella fans out there can keep these grey days.  It's not light or dark, hot or cold, it's just non-committal. I can accept that most things in life come in shades of grey, but I really hate it when it's my days.  My sister lives in the Seattle area, the land of drear & rain.  I could not live there.

Everything seems to respond to the drear.  My cats lie about totally unenthused about anything.  The wind is blowing just enough to be annoying.  My body can't quite tell if it should be getting ready to go to bed or get up & do something.  My pseudo outdoor cat keeps looking at the sky suspiciously, like you stole my sunshine.

Drear is depressing & that simply is something I don't need in my life.  There are enough things out there to cause depressions without an overcast sky adding to the problems.  My mood to write is like the sky today, noncommittal.    I cold leave you with a Youtube video of The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow, but that'd just be perverse.  So I'll leave you with this...

Looking Back

Looking back is seldom a good thing.  Thanks to Google, you can type in an address & viola  there you are.  I've used this application on Google to look at places from my childhood & for the most part it was a rather disappointing trip down memory lane.

I looked at places I'd lived, there were a lot of them, my family moved a lot.  I looked at childhood haunts & old schools. All but a few held unwanted visages I for some reason went looking for via cyberspace.  Most of the places just looked small, so very small & unimportant.  How could these be the places that loomed so large in my memory?  Many were dingy & in need of some serious maintenance or a bulldozer.  That same bulldozer seemed to have found many of the places I went looking for on my venture.

I never cared much for the town I grew up in, but I could always same it was clean & rather attractive. That is no longer the case.  Now it's run down, neglected & nothing like what it had been.  Since I was a child many things had changed.  Walmart came to town & destroyed the downtown businesses.  McDonalds came & soon all the local drive-ins & little cafes fell to the wayside.  The old folks held onto a lot the older businesses, but as they passed so did those businesses.  Good bye to Woolsworth, Montgomery Wards, Belks, Ramsey's, BF Goodrich & all those local shops that made my hometown what it was.  So long to all kids hangouts like the places to park while out doing the drag on Friday night, the skating rink & others too vague to recall.

Now when I use Google to look at my hometown, it's just a cliche of a broken down little town that used to have some character.  Now it's just a statistic.  All that was grand in my memory remains only that, a memory. I may not have liked my hometown & I certainly would never have gone back to it, but it deserved better than this fate.  I'm sure that's what a lot of people think when they finally get around to looking back to that town they'd left in their rear view mirror years ago.  We may have wanted out, we have even cussed the place, but we never really expected it to be so devastated by time.

For those of you that haven't been to your hometown in a long time & have been considering going back or using Google to look at it, STOP.  That's right stop.  Once you go back or look on the net for images of your old town, you will have information you may not really have wanted.  You could wind up wishing you had just been content with the memories you had of your old places.  Instead you may end up stuck with nasty images that belong in some Faulkner novel.

There's no sense in looking back anyway.  Even if it looks exactly the same & the very same people are still there, it isn't the same.  You can't go back to what it was, because that place doesn't exist anymore.  Those people, those relationships, those dreams don't exist anymore.  Time may not be linear, but the way we live our lives is.  We live in a line progressing forward, downstream or however else you want to look at it.  Going backwards isn't an option.  Time to take a cue from a Beatles' song & let it be.

Off On Out Of Focus Tangents...

I don't always talk about being +, but I'll try to get back to it, at least a little while before I veer off into something else again.  There are many things I hate about being + & the one I'll try to zoom in on today is my lack of focus. I used to love to read & watch movies.  These are things that are difficult for me now, especially the reading.  It was nothing for me to read a couple of novels a week on top of all the stuff I had to cover for my classes while I was in college.  That is no longer the case.  I haven't read a novel in years.  I HATE THAT.  I can barely hold it together long enough to get through the ten to twenty pages of Naruto that gets released weekly.

I just can't focus.  I start reading & think I'm doing well.   I look down & I've read twenty some odd pages.  Then it hits me, I can't remember half of what I read because my mind was focused on how much my arm was cramping in that position or wondering what that sound was that I just heard.  I made all the way through college to a Ph.D. without ever really seriously studying for anything.  I could read it in a flash & have it in my memory long enough to take any test.  Those days are long gone.

If my mind wandering off isn't bad enough, my body wants to as well.  Sometimes, even when I feel like crap, I can barely sit still.  I get anxious, my legs cramp or I just find myself walking off for no reason to another room.  It makes watching a movie almost impossible.  Movies I do get through are on a little portable DVD player next to my computer.  That way I can "watch" the movie & continue typing or playing a game.  I watch some TV episodes on my computer & most of the time I use the fast forward to zip through because the show bored me.  If I go to the theater, I have to fight the urge just to give into the darkness & comfy reclining chair & not fall asleep.

These days my mind is about as clear as some fuzzy impressionistic painting.  I know there's a couple of boats on some water & it's either dawn or dusk, but nothing else.  Since I've been + I've been twitchy, fuzzy & jumpy.  My mind wanders down some precarious little path of a thousand plus twists & turns.  I get bored.   I get frustrated.  I just get completely disinterested.  My body wants to keep moving even though I usually don't have the stamina to keep going all that long.

Of all the things I've lost due to HIV, I think the one that pisses me off the most or at least always hits high on the top ten is the fact it robbed me.   I don't like the physical changes in appearance but I can deal with them.  But this little virus robbed me of my drive to read, to learn, to explore.  It took away my ability to just sit & listen to a cd or watch a movie in its entirety without getting up or fast-forwarding.

I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it, but I keep plodding along.  Maybe I'll come across a book that will hold my attention enough to read it through.  Sometimes I do still find a movie that I can watch, like Red or Despicable Me.  I guess I'll just have to wait & see.

Zombies...

America's Next Top Model started last night & the beginning was great.  Bet you wondering why I put Dawn of the Dead with AMNT.

I hate unnecessary build up.  I mean foreplay is one thing, but repeating the same old thing over & over is just boring.  In the 2004 remake of the Zombie flick we just jump right into nastiness that is zombies.  There are not explanations, there are not build ups, rehashings or recappings.  I hate incessant recapping & far too many of my favorite shows do it; Naruto & Income Property are two examples.  These are thirty minute slots, but after you take out the intro, out-take & commercials you're left with about 17 - 18 minutes.  If you take out all the recapping & talking about what will happen on the next episode you might actually be down to 12 - 14 minutes.  Which we means minus all the commercials & fluff you could actually show four of these type programs in an hour instead of two.  Stop, just let the zombies hit the ground running & eating.




Tyra skipped the freak fest that so many reality shows embrace these days like American Idol & So You Think You can Dance.   I can schadenfreude with the best of them, but the pure perversity of the auditions of Idol & SYTYCD are just hellish & cruel.  Get to the point, we know the process now, you don't need to show again.  If someone hasn't watched the show before there are reruns & the show can probably be got off Netflix.  So why don't we just get down to business?

It's like all the superhero films coming out.  Every single one of them has to do an origin piece that takes up most of the first movie.  Iron Man did this & there are countless wikis out there that cover his origin for those few people out there that didn't already know it.   Stop over explaining.  Most of the movie-going, TV-watching audience isn't stupid even though you'd think we were from the drivel we're given to watch.

Everybody knows Superman came from Krypton, Batman's parent got shot, Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider.  These things are now so ingrained in out culture that they are a given.  We know that most of the people who try out for talents shows are delusional, attention-grabbing freaks.  We get it. We comprehend. We dig it.  What else do we have to say just to get you to let the Zombies get down to the business eating brains?

Take Out The Trash

Our garbage men come on Thursday, but you never know when they'll show up.  So, we put out the trash on Wednesday so we don't miss them.  A lot of people get irritated about being asked to take out the trash, but it's just another chore that has to be done.  Besides  you probably had something to do with all the trash that accumulated in your own house, so why not help take it out.

Garbage on the street is the literal approach to this subject, but there are others less direct.  So many of us keep things or allow things to remain in our live that do nothing but trash up & clutter the joint.  Often we become so used to it that we don't even notice it anymore, like hoarders, we all can develop clutter/trash blindness.
 
Whether it be actual physical things, emotional crutches or people in our lives, we all have stuff that takes up space & drags us down.  I've talked about the Up In The Air, Backpack philosophy before, but that seemed to focus on a one time application of the principles.  What I'm looking at now is the constant application of the principle of letting things go in our day to day lives that no longer provide any benefit.

That sounds mercenary & I know it, but sometimes we have to be a bit ruthless in our lives & remember that we have to come first.  Even if you are a parent or a spouse, if you don't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of your children or spouse.  It's a very non-traditional & often resented idea that the self must come first, some would say it was downright Satanic.

Don't move, but take a look around the room your in right now.  What is near you that you haven't used in over six months?  What about a year?  What is still in your vicinity just because of sentimental reasons?  Are those reasons worth the clutter they bring?  Who's in your life right now that just drains your resources & provides nothing in return?  Who's just taking up space?  I won't tell you what to do, but I would ask you to consider if these people & things are really worth keeping.

Now on to the really scary concept. Are you being the collector of trash, the hoarder?  These people just freak me out.  I can't watch the show Hoarders or Animal Hoarders.  But it can be even worse. Not to be depressing , but are you the person in someone else's life just taking up space?  Are you the one sucking all the oxygen out of the room, yet giving nothing back?  Nasty questions, I know. So what to do, what to do?  If you can't find a way to bring something beneficial to the situation then perhaps you should consider taking yourself out of the situation.

Taking out the trash, no matter what the kind, can be cathartic. It can make space for new things or simply clear enough room to breath.  Remember... Taking out the trash, it's a good thing...

This Is What I Can Do...

I have always been edgy, not necessarily in the cool way either.  Being raised the way I was leaves one in a state of hyper awareness & reaction.  It often decides to display itself at the most disadvantageous of times. Being on disability, $ is always a major issue.   If I'm not careful I can utterly freak myself out about, especially at night.  I usually go to bed just fine, somewhere in the night I awake & for some reason thoughts of doom & dread come flying into my head.

Sometimes, I completely fail at containing these feelings & go into full out panic.  This sucks, let me repeat, THIS SUCKS!!!  Everything goes faster, is louder & is more intense in nearly every aspect.  It's like some one drugged you with coke & LSD at the same time, a freaked out, bad trip.

Other times I manage to get it under control & remind myself that at this moment there is nothing I can do about whatever situation is about to drive me bonkers.  There will be no benefit in giving into the primal urge just to freak out.  I have to really embrace the Virgo & tell myself I'll make a plan for it, something that will allow me to cope with this problem the best way that I can.

I look at the problem & have to access what needs to be done, what I'd like to do & what I can do.  It's been hard learning to accept that although there things in my life that should be handled this way or that, that I have to deal with the fact that I may or may not be able to accomplish things in those manners.  I had to learn to accept my limits & be alright with what I could do.

I sign a lot of petitions on-line for political, environmental & other reasons.  Inevitably these places always ask for donations or volunteers.  I can't do those things & sometimes it gets to me.  I'd love to give some of these movements or websites $.  I'd love to give to some of the causes I support.  I'd love to give Wikipedia  some $ Love or Shane Dawson on Youtube, but I can't. I don't have the $ to give.  As for volunteering, most of these movements don't have anything near & even if they did, most of the time I wouldn't feel up to doing it.  Past that, if I did feel up to volunteering, there such weird rules for someone on disability doing anything, even volunteering, it could jeopardize my situation.

I can sign the petitions, I can send emails & I can go to all the click-to-give sites & click.  I know it doesn't sound like much & most likely it isn't.  Sometimes it really does bother me to be so ineffective in matters that I care about.  I have to remind myself that I am doing what I can do & I just have to accept that.

When you find yourself in a place where you have to decide what course of action you're going to take on some matter.

1. Examine the situation.  
2. What are your options?  
3. Do you even want to get involved?
4. What should be done in the situation?
5. What can you feasibly do?
6. What won't wreck your bank account?
7. What won't overwhelm the rest of your life & responsibilities?
8. Then accept the remaining as what you can do.
9. Then do what you can do.
10. Accept that you've contributed what you could.

It may not matter to much, but it was something.  That's better than nothing or being totally callous to the situation.  A lot of small things can add up to be something pretty tremendous, consider all the little drops that formed canyons.  It's OK to be one of those tiny little drops that in concert will cut out a canyons or form a new river bed.  It's OK to be small part of a large thing.  I know we're not taught that, but it is OK.  That's the whole basis of a grassroots movement.

Do what you can...

It only takes a drop of water to move the world

That's what one little drop can do

Winter 2.0

After a couple of weeks of 60 - 70F here, we are plunging back into the chill of winter.  It's not supposed to be any deep freeze or anything too nasty, just cold 30's F, wind & possibly some rain.  Hopefully it will put my allergies on hold for a while.   A lot of people are griping that they've already started getting ready for spring.  So, like Winter cars what you're ready for, it's going to be cold regardless of what you wanted.

The little groundhog lied, or at least wink-wink-nudge-nudged.

The point is, that there are a lot of things in this life you can't prepare for, but there are plenty of others that you can & even more you should have expected.  Just because it's felt like Spring around here for a couple of weeks doesn't change the fact we still have another month of actual Winter.  Putting away your extra blankets, turning off your heater's pilot light or anything else you might do to dewinterize your home is just plain dumb until you've seen a week of solid upper 70's & possibly a couple of 80 F days.  This may be the time to plan for your gardens & start thinking about where you'd like to spend Spring Break (if you get one), but it's still Winter.

There are so many times in our lives when we just plain fail to register our situations or at least have failed to have planned for them.  This is common when we're young, possibly even acceptable in some situations.  I love  Sandra Rinomato's show Property Virgins.

It always amazes me how little preparation these people have done to get ready to buy a home.  They don't understand the property values, they have no idea what closing costs are, what's a property inspection, etc...  I may not know all of this, but you can bet if I was going to buy a home, I'd start doing some serious research on the matter.  It's all on the net.

If information is available & accessible to you & you refuse to utilize it then you aren't ignorant, you're being willfully uninformed (read stupid).  It doesn't matter if your talking about how to ride out the seasonal weather, buying a home or avoiding becoming +, all the info is out there for you to use.  If you don't employ this information than you have no one but yourself to blame for whatever happens.

This isn't to say that if you play by the rules & have all the available info on hand you won't have problems.  You can still run into a lot of hell.  Around here, we have notable Winters, usually in the teens to twenties.  Sometimes we touch the zero mark on the thermometer, but this year we hit -30F in some place & got over two feet of snow in less than a week.  If you're in Vermont or the like, that's probably common, but here in Oklahoma, that's hella' cold.  Mr. Mike Holmes has proven that buying a home even with a home inspection can be a nightmarish experience.  Nowadays, most of us know that there is safer sex, not safe sex.

Preparedness is an ongoing investment into one's own situation.  You can't say yeah I have a flashlight & batteries, then be upset when it doesn't work because the batteries are five years old.  It is your own responsibility to be as knowledgeable & prepared as possible.  No one is going to do it for you.  If it's winter, act & dress appropriately.  If you're going to buy a house teach yourself all that you can before going into the market.  If you're going to have sex, wear a condom, but be aware it's just one level of protection & it can fail.

In all aspects of life, your safety is your responsibility.   Be careful, so you can have fun with the rest of your life.

Pseudo Spring Hell

Sneezing, Drainage, Coughing, Itchy Eyes, Pressure.  It's a mantra for allergens.  All those little spores of pollen going through the air cause their victims to live in a histamine hell.  The problem is that I know it will get worse, much worse, before it gets better.  For me allergies lead to meds (once the allergens are bad enough), which causes my sinuses to become dried out, which leads to nosebleeds.  Nosebleeds are not a good thing for a + person.  So, I back off the allergy meds for a bit & let my sinuses get better, but dealing with the allergy issues.  Then I start the whole process over again.

I could put a lot of video clips here of sneezing kittens or puppies with eye drainage, but right now I think that might lead to a karmatic back lash at me & give my allergy symptoms a boost.  I'll drink my tea & rub my cats' ears so they can get a little relief from their own allergy issues.  My roomie isn't doing any better, but she can rub her own ears.

For those of you who do not suffer from allergies, count your blessings.  For those of you familiar with this hell, my condolences.  May the damned trees, grass & what the hell ever else throws out pollen or spores get their nasty business over quickly.

Nothing Ever Goes As Planned

This diagram looks easy enough, right?  It probably even is just as easy to do as long as you don't live in a 100 year old house owned by a man named Murphy.  The problem with an old house is the previous occupant is often nearly as old.  That is the truth in this case & she didn't really believe in that new-fangled  idea of regular maintenance.  Often in this house, to fix one thing you end up having to fix half a dozen others. Then of course there is Murphy's law playing out in full chorus here.

I had to change the faucet today, never mind I'd done it less than a year ago.  Some how the thing got clogged & barely let any water pass.  It came off easier than the last time, which involved a hammer, a screw driver & some serious bashing.  Going back together, now that was another story.  

The shut-off on the sink is useless, so I have to do it outside.  I follow the diagram & put the faucet back in.  I fasten it down & attach the water connections.  I go outside & turn on the water.  Viola, my very own fountain in the bathroom under the vanity.  (I hate vanities, give me a shelve style sink or a pedestal, something that allows you to get to the plumbing easier.)  I run back out & shut off the water.  Come back & find out the cold water connection has a faulty washer.  I lucked out & had one of those in the house.  A trip to the hardware store averted.

In the end, the faucet is fixed sans  fountain.  It just proves the jobs that should be the easiest are usually the hardest & most annoying.

Ups & Downs

The weather is warm today, but by the end of the month we could be facing snow again.  My allergies are in building up to full out assault.  Which leaves the rest of my body quickly following suit.  The allergies kill my breathing & upset my digestive system (the mild way of saying it).  They upset my sleep which leaves me tired & achy. I'll take my allergy pills on the really bad days, but not before that, cause the pills dry me out so bad I get nose bleeds.

My life is often I step up & two day, or two forward & three back.  I guess that's just life.  The fact is that it is damned annoying.  I get a little $ saved up & the car breaks down or the house needs repairs.  I guess I should just be thankful I'd had any $ saved up at all.  Life is like the road show above, but sometimes I'd really settle for a nice bit of flat, non curvy, uninteresting highway stretching before me

Allergies, finances & just about everything else in life are like a game of chutes & ladders (snakes if your British).  You keep trying just to plod forward, sometimes you luck out & get to take a short cut up, but most often you hit a snag & go sliding down, only to have to climb back up again.  How very Sisyphus.

The point I'm making is that there are definitely downs in this life, but there are also ups.  I'm not trying to belittle your pain or trials, but I am saying that things usually do eventually take a turn for the better.  So take your allergy pills & save up $ for those crappy car brake downs & accept that some rain is going to fall.  Hopefully you remembered your umbrella.

Outside The Lines

My roomie & I have been out of the box people for a while.  We're by no means hipsters, but we've both been posting about this for a bit.  Life is not one size fits all, some of it will never fit anyone.  You have to make the best of any situation you wind up in.  (Yes, I know ended in a preposition, but I was breaking grammatical rules before there english books, HA, my nod to the hipsters).

I read this blog today.  It was how you can choose to receive & interact with a new coloring book.  The post was remarkably, nonjudgmental, therefore quite refreshing.  It let you approach the pages of provided ideas with your own take on how it should be handled, from doing nothing, doing the expected or completely making it your own by adding to the given concept.  Any talk of conformity & coloring always reminds me of one of the potentially saddest songs ever done, Flowers Are Red, by Harry Chapin.





I think that Lady Gaga's new song is a cross between a 1990's gay anthem & Madonna's Express Yourself, but it does make a point.  I'm not into the godliness of it, but I get the point.




I do like this one, but I think what it will inspire, will be even better.  So, it's your life, your coloring book, so go all Sinatra & do it your way.  It may not be easy.  It might even get you ridiculed.  But, if it is genuinely you, you'll be happier for just being yourself.




Cya

Dr. Appt.

Today was the telemedicine day, I've mentioned them before.  I picked up my lab results last week & this morning I was off to the bus to talk the students doctors there & converse with the doctors in Tulsa.

All went fine.  My counts are always low, but they're consistent, so I'm not worried.  They go over the results & tell me nothing I didn't already know.  I'm a pro at this game.  They talk about how old school my med regimen is, but I don't care.  My regimen works for me & there aren't that many options for HIV medication, I'd rather not burn through them just because my meds are out of vogue or passe.

They gripe about my blood pressure sometimes & ask why I'm not taking something for it.  The reason is simple, they are the only ones that consistently read my blood pressure high.  My primary physician doesn't, my BP cuff doesn't, hell the thing at Walmart doesn't even read my blood pressure as high.  I wonder if they ever consider being in a place because you are + & going over labs could elevate your BP.  Then again maybe their fancy little machine needs to be recalibrated.

Every few months I go to see the bus of doctors & it's always a new pair of students docs.  This time was a nice change of pace, I got a man.  Not that I've got anything against women, but I hate the soft touch.  Let me clarify.  When this doctor needed to touch me, he did so firmly & with confidence, not hesitation & all the force of a cold, dead fish.  It's like getting a creepy dead-fish handshake, just plain eeeewwwww, yucky.  Half the time, I wonder if some of the doctors are confused about HIV transmission.  You can not be infected with HIV by touching a + person while listening to their heart & lungs.  Either get me male docs or some butcher women.

The trip is over & nothing has changed for better or worse, which I suppose is a good thing.  I get another four month reprieve from the telemedicine bus.

Making Your Own Way

My roomie & I can sorta synch up on some things, take her blog entry.  It was about something we discuss often.  Because of the unconventional parenting style (read drunk, useless & absent) employed by our parents we don't see the world the same way others do.  Sometimes I'm not even sure we're on the same planet.

I've talked about having to be self-taught in many aspects of my life, my roomie is not different in that regard.  Learning how to deal with the day to day stuff like shaving, shopping & paying bills on time is trying & sometimes embarassing, but the other less tangible things like holidays can be down right painful.

How do you celebrate Christmas when you have no family?  What do you do for Halloween when you're a "grown-up"?   What do the single people do for Valentines?  The simple answer is you...

That's right, you have two options to set there & be miserable that the conventionality isn't working for you or you can make whatever it is work for you.   At Christmas my roomie & me watch all the Christmas specials & snark about them or talk about what they remind of us.  We listen to novelty Christmas music like A Very Scary Solstice, Lovecraftian inspired seasonal songs or Rupaul's Christmas album.

Thanksgiving is probably the realest holiday for us lately.  We've really tried to learn to be thankful for what we have, even when it isn't much.  Halloween is for scary movies, the Great Pumpkin & massive amounts of candy.  Easter is another candy day.  St. Patrick's is a day to eat cabbage.  We're really not that into Memorial Day & we watch the city fireworks from the porch on the Fourth of July.  Then Labor is a nada day again, after that we're back to Halloween.

Holidays can be sad, depressing, overwhelming, even isolating bitchy days if you let them.  So do your best not to let them.  If you've lost old traditions, adapt them or make new ones.  I'm not trying to make this sound easy, cause it isn't.  Talk to people around you, keep your eyes open.  I'm willing to bet you'll find someone in the exact same boat as you.  Maybe together you can make the holiday something special for each other.  It may not last, it may change, but that's alright.  Just be grateful & celebratory in the moment & keep the memories as dear presents of the past.

Enough of this sappiness.

Happy Whatever Holiday Is Coming Next For You,

May the holiday spirit move you...

Short One

I've already written about Valentines Day so here are some visual aids to get the point across

If that doesn't do it, then let me get to the point.  Have a Happy Valentines Day.

DND

I'm not talking about some RPG, no I'm talking about a Do-Nothing-Day.  DND's are very important.  Most people who have a day off make plans to catch up with friends, go see a movie, do some much needed housework or something else we've put off until their day-off.

How about considering on one of those days, just doing nothing.  The absolute minimum you have to get buy.  Eat prepared food, sleep in, do nothing of important or requiring effort.  The hell you say.  This is just plain wrong, immoral, lazy, possibly illegal & probably communist.

When is the last time you took a DND?  For most of you, I bet it's been too long.  Try it.  Give yourself permission do to nada.  Sometimes they require some pre-planning, but that's OK, as long as the planning isn't done on the DND.  Get someone to watch the kids, pre-order pizza, do whatever you need to do the day before.  Never tell anyone you're taking a DND unless they're taking it with you.  Or else, they will feel like they have the right to infringe on your DND & bother you to do something.  Send the kids & Significant Other to the Moon if you have to, just take your DND.

People tend to hate other people's DND's.  They get haughty & self-righteous about the matter.  To hell with them, let'em get their own DND.  DND's let you unwind, recharge & just let go of all the bull in your life, even if it's just for one day.

You deserve a Do-Nothing-Day.

The Social Animal

I was "raised" by alcoholic parents, a manipulative grandmother, other uninvolved adults & one well meaning, slightly older sister.  The problem with this is that while my sister managed my younger brothers & myself the best she could, she was a kid herself.  My brothers & myself were just short of feral.  We came in when we were hungry & we came in to sleep.  We weren't really taught to do much at all.

Watching my brothers & me get along was sort of like watching a mixed-age litter of kittens.  At times we could get along (usually only if mutual benefit was assured), but most often we kept our distance from each other.  When forced to be near each other, the fight was inevitable.

Concepts like responsibility, goals or just about anything social were lost to us.  We were the lords of our own fortunes, no matter how meager they may have been. We were not about to abide anyone telling us how to act or what to do.  Eventually we started to realize that we were very different from the others.  We resented that difference & the others for being different.

We became mercenary, oddly charismatic & manipulative.  Some might say we were well our ways to becoming sociopaths.  Not all people who have such persuasions are criminal, most are just anti-social.  They make great business men, politicians & lawyers.  If we wanted something, we would find a way to get & it was seldom the conventional way of doing so.  I went to college, even got a Ph.D., but it wasn't for the right reasons.  I didn't go there to learn or even to improve my life.  I went to college because I had absolutely no other place to go.  At college I could pass, blend even thrive, but it was still just a con.

In my late late thirties, my father showed back up.  I had not spoken to him sense I was sixteen.  It was not an amicable departure.  By this time I was + & on disability.  He tried to enter my brothers lives only to find them still mostly beastly.  There had been run-ins with the law & jail for both of them, prison for one.  They couldn't hold jobs, they couldn't maintain relationships & mostly didn't care about those things.  This baffled my father.

He constantly talks about how my brothers don't do this or haven't done that.  He doesn't like anything about their lives & acts like they should know better.  I finally had it & told him that no one had ever taught us to do any of that crap.  No one taught me how to cook, do laundry or even how to shave.  I learned all of that on my own often through disastrous trial & error.  I didn't get my driver's license until I was twenty-six.  I'd drove since I was twelve, but I didn't have a license.  Check books, running a household, shopping & a host of other things most people's families teach them were mine fields of experimentation for me.  Yet still my father acts like my brothers & me had some type of instruction manual for life that should've taught us everything we needed to know if we'd just bothered to read the damn thing.

I would've been ecstatic if I'd found an instruction manual.  I went through life like a stray cat, not sure to purr for attention or attack the person trying to get too close.  My brothers & me are territorial, defensive & quick to over react. If something threatens you, clobber it, so it can never do it again.  We pace, we snarl & we avoid most unpleasant situations no matter what the potential outcome.

I've been more fortunate than my brothers on this matter.  I've learned to blend better & at least act like I care about some of the social norms & niceties, but I really don't buy any of it.  I can maintain until my habits & rituals are through out of whack.  I realize that reality is fragile & things constantly threaten all paradigms.  Let something like a frozen pipe or a screwed up car come along & for a bit I'd rather just bite something than deal with anything.

Eventually I calm down & start building back up the mask of the socially well adjusted individual.  When I was younger I used to think everyone was like me & they were just faking it.  Later I decided, no it's just me & those people raised like me.  I'm no longer that certain.  Maybe were all just violent animals hiding under the facsimile of the well socialized member of society?  Watch any disaster movie, when the people are stranded or threatened, the social mores & norms go the way of the do-do bird.  Sure some of the "good" guys maintain their programming, but just barely.  And, that's only so the writers could make it looks like the just, socially entrenched individuals are somehow more moral & sanctified than those who aren't.

We are all just animals agreeing to maintain an illusion of civility, but let something become too much of a threat or present too tempting of an opportunity & that beast lying underneath will rip back into reality & do what it thinks needs to be done.  We are animals, social, sometimes civil animals, but animals all the same. Sometimes animals bite.

Little Thing, Again

This is the third time I've talked about this, but here we go again...  I feel so Gleeified McCartney...




Valentine's Day is Monday & so many people will looking forward to it either in great hopes or utter desperation.  We let this holiday get to us in ways not even Christmas does.  This is a holiday of self assessment & downright judgement. Am I worthy?  What did I do right or wrong?  Will the little red headed girl be my valentine?

I've never been all that into VD.  Even as a gift giver I find this celebration a bit trite. Three things come to mind when I think of this holiday; St. Valentine's Day Massacre, Hallmark & sobbing people.  Only one of those things has any one coming out on top.  Cards, candy & flowers are the game, if you're in those games you're going to make a mint.  Otherwise February 14th is not such a great day.

If you must give a gift, you can go with the typical & for some that is all they will want or understand.  But just as any other gift giving it matters most what is personal & will make memories.  Now candy & cards are fine, but why not look at this as a time to make a new tradition, keep an old tradition going or just have a genuine moment between you & your valentine?

Try one of these...

Get pictures made
Actually cook a romantic meal
Go to a concert
Try something new for both of you
Zoos are great during the winter, the animals are all fluffy
Take a weekend trip to anywhere

Just keep in mind, it's about the memories not the roses, the chocolate or the cards.  So, keep singing your silly love songs & running to the mail box in search of that desperately awaited valentine's day card.

For those of you those of you out there not into this holiday or for some reason feeling left out, look to your other friends in the same situation.  Try starting your own solo Valentine's Day tradition with them.  Eat all the chocolate yourself, treat yourself to a great dinner, or buy yourself something special, but meaningful.

Little things may just be what you need to make it through a day like VD.  String out a lot of little things through out the day, make it something that only you could do or give.  The devil may be in the details, but the little things are where you know someone actually thought about you & cares.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day...

I'm Desended From Monkeys, The Hell You say...

I can't have been descended from monkeys or apes. Whatever, I came from, either developed in a nice moderate climate that never got to hot or too cold or I am descended from bears.  Bears, I'll buy that.  In my opinion there is only one thing to really do when it gets cold, hibernate.  

Yes, you should stock up on reserves, find a nice dark, cave-ish place (preferably with lots of blankets) & set your alarm for Spring Time.  Past the winter holidays there isn't mush good about Winter & I'm sure all those gifts will hold to spring.  If it's perishable, just set it on the floor in back room & I'm sure it'll stay frozen.

I do not like cold, at least not to any discernible level over hot.  I prefer a nice middle ground, extremes are just a drag.  I know the cold weather is necessary.  It resets everything.  It lets the plants rest & bugs die off.  I still don't like it.  Let me eat up, stock up, pile on the blankets & turn off the lights, cause I ready to sleep until at least March, maybe April.

Getting out of bed in the winter is act of utter betrayal & cruelty to one's body.  You are in your nice toasty place & have to leave it for the frozen level of hell your home has given refuge to for the season.  Which is worse, the cold floor, the cold keyboards or the cold toilet seat?  You take your pick.  And, all of this is on the inside.

If you venture out in the bitterness, you face ice, snow or sleet (that non-committal stuff).  Icy weather is never good & just because winter is gone doesn't mean icy weather is, there is always hail.  Outdoors leads to slippage, either on your butt or fishtailing across the road.

They say over the hills & through the dales.  To hell with that BS, if granny wants to see you tell her to come to you or get Skype, that is if your warm enough to still work the computer.  They say cold is good for computers, again BS.  I never get blue-screens any other time of the year like I do in the winter.  My little Dell hates, repeat hates, the cold.  It acts like a person, because the first things to screw up are the peripheral devices & their drivers.  You know the computer's fingers & toes.  They get frostbite.

Enough for now, my warm bed & cov-covs are calling me.

TV Failure...

Tuesday nights are usually pretty good TV times for me.  I have NCIS & NCIS: LA.  But last night was a total dud, a complete failure.  NCIS tried to cover the impact of a character's death who had left the show in 2005, over five years ago. The LA version is dealing with the mysterious background of the main character.  LA is treading very close to soap opera territory.

This must seem like an odd posting for this + blog, I just get irritated with things that are there just because.  These two episodes were just filler episodes, pure unwanted fluff.  This was one of the precious few episodes of these shows I will get this year.  Say I'll get 22 episodes this season, that means this one airing amounts to 4.5% of a wasted season & thats only if they don't waste another episode.  Then there are just plain, badly written episodes that pop up from time to time, most often around sweeps week.  That means by the end of the season after a couple of fluffisodes, a few badly written plots & a sweeps number, I'm losing 27.2% of the season to this drivel.

The writers & producers feel like they have to put something out there even if it is total crap.  I disagree.  If you can't put out a good product, don't put one out at all.  I'd rather miss an episode than be given a craptastic one.  There needs to be a Mike Holmes of TV production.

This isn't a filler entry. The point is that there are things in our life that are there just because we're used to them or we haven't decided what to do with/without them.  These things are clutter, they weigh us down.  They aren't worth having, just to have.  Many of us are hoarders of stuff, physical & not.  This junk eventually gains enough mass to occupy our whole lives.

I love the movie, Up In The Air.  You can check out the link to see the synopsis of the story but the main character develops a very interesting philosophy.  He asks, "What's in your backpack?"  He has you picture all the stuff you carry around everyday being put in the backpack & then setting it on fire.  He makes you realize that most of that stuff was totally inconsequential.  Then the character asks the people to do the same with the people in their lives.  He doesn't ask them to set the pack on fire but to examine the sheer immensity of the weight of all those relationships, expectations & obligations.  To examine which of those are really necessary, which are brining something good into our lives & which are just dragging us down.

Over the past couple of years, my roomie & me have been trying to clear out house of physical clutter.  I think we've definitely witnessed the positive effects removing that stuff has had on us.  All that clutter is stressing.  Having things or people in your life just because is not good enough. You don't have time for it all.  You don't have space for it all. You don't have the energy for it all.

I don't have the energy to waste on a bad NCIS episode.  I don't have the space to deal with junk I haven't used in years.  I don't have the energy to deal with people who don't bring anything  positive to my life, even if they have been in my life for some time.   I will continue to place the unnecessary in my backpack & when it's full, then burn, baby, burn.

Cats...

I like cats.  We have permanent indoor felines & some outdoor ones.  I am a Cat Person (CP) not a Cat Lover (CL).  CP's realize that cats are just that, cats.  They can be wonderful & fun to have in your life, but they can also be annoying, exasperating balls of puking destruction.  CP's treat their felines as pets, companions in their home.  They realize that cats scratch & sometimes bite.  They are not offended if the cat deigns not to lavish you with its furry attention for hours or days at a time.  CP's realize that if you have a cat & play with it, there will be a price to pay, the proverbial pound of flesh scraped away under the cat's claws.

Cat Lovers on the other hand, are of questionable sanity.  They want to dress their felines up in cute little suits.  CL's only buy the bestest-bestest food for their little babies.  They see their cats as their babies, the equals or worse their betters.  CL's fail to realize cats are just cats.  They are not replacements for human companionship, they are your offspring, & they most certainly do not wish to be dressed up like Jack Sparrow, a mushroom, or any other outlandish outfit you might have found for them.  Cats do not care about going to cats shows or how many articles you've submitted to Cat Fancy.  They might care about being on Youtube videos, cats are fairly vain after all.

The biggest difference between a Cat Person & a Cat Lover is that a CP can let the cat be, while the CL can not.  CL's have their feelings hurt if the kitty doesn't want to come play with them or nestle down with on command.  CP's know that when the cat gets hungry enough, cold enough or just plain bored it will come out & demand attention.  CP's have lives, while CL's lives are their cats.  CP's may have a few cats, but CL's can become the crazy cat person down the road with thirty some felines howling in the night.  The bad thing is that often cats aren't overly fond of Cat Lovers.

I may be rambling now, but to wrap this up, remember a Beatles song, Let It Be...

So The Drama...

I may not have mentioned this before, but I am a Sociologist, yes, a card carrying, Ph.D. earning Sociologist.  There are lot of ways we filter things in our lives & mine is often through my discipline.  Our field of study, our religious/philosophical leanings, our political idioms, etc...often affect how we filter the goings on in the world into this little we call reality.  Reality isn't something that is set or even all that certain.  It's only concrete when we agree it is so.  If we don't agree, it's turtles all the way down.

I specialized in Social Psychology & Social Ecology. More over I am a theorist.  Most theories in sociology come in either macro or micro levels (big or small), I think that is faulty & reductionist. The small affects the big & vice verse.  But for the time I'll stick with the sort of small.   According to Dramaturgy, Shakespeare was right & all the world's a stage.  Dramaturgy is an aspect of Symbolic Interactionism, which basically discusses how we all interact with others, things & the meanings that arise from these interactions with others & things.

South Park's episode,  Sexual Healing S14E01, was about sexual addiction.  The episode presents sexual addiction as a ruse for the behavior of those people who have been caught in compromising situations.   (I have no idea if the writers actually feel this way or not.)   At one point one of the boys, Kyle, calls BS on it all & says that everyone just needs to responsibility for their actions.  This is the part that I do agree with entirely.

I am not an existentialist that believes you are in control of every part of your life, but I do believe in taking responsibility for it.  My parents were horrible, they were alcoholics, abusive & they bailed.  The fact is they screwed my life up irrevocably.  The stage that my life plays out on was initially set by my parents & other factors beyond my control.  I do not hold myself accountable for that. However, I am now an adult & regardless of the setting & stage props I have to make due with the scene playing out before me.

I can not choose the background from which I am from.  I couldn't choose a lot of things that were decided for me before I was an adult.   I can now.  I can choose & I can accept the consequences for those decisions.  I am not normal, I will never be that.  I came from the proverbial sea of chaos & was the little kid trying to be a rock.  As a young adult I felt like chaos trapped in a sea of rocks.  Then I moved on to the motto, "I am a leaf on the wind, watch me soar." Well, all of those ideas & actions got me to where I am now & I have to accept it.  I am on disability.  I am not anywhere I thought I would be at my age.  I am +.  Most of all, this is my doing. Sometimes knowing that is just plain awful, but at least I did it & it wasn't done to me.

My actions, reactions or inactions have made my life mine.  I just have to accept that, hopefully embrace it or I'm left with my life being little more than a Kim Possible Movie.

Aware & Thankful...

A blog I read touched on a subject that struck a nerve with me & makes me realize somethings for which I am thankful.  The blog is The Ravings of  Blackhaired Barbie.   This particle entry was responding to an article on Kotaku about mean-geek reactions & slurs slung at female gamers.  If you have to ask what mean-geeks are they are like mean-girls but geeky & male.  These pathetic little boys couldn't handle female players, especially not when the girl kicked their asses.  The geeks resorted to slurs consisting mainly of fat, ugly or slutty.  These comments have become some common place among these boys there is a FUS blog.  It isn't a blog to cry poor me those boys won't let me play their geek-deer games.  It's a blog mainly about the stupidity of gamer boys.

I'm aware it can be a total pain to be female in this society.   I'm not saying it's easy being male either, but it's the hell I know.  I don't have to worry about getting pregnant, having a period or getting menopause.  I don't have to worry about lower pay rates or glass ceilings.  Most men will never knew the feeling of being treated purely like property or as a piece a meat/ass, like any woman will.  I realize there are some things this society will tolerate from women that they won't from males.  I think that is total BS as well.  Simpy stated, I am thankful I am not female.

Last Thursday, CSI aired an episode about deaf people.  The culprit in the story was a total loser who thought that deaf & wheelchair bound people had everything in society given to them so he tried to con them.   I nearly spat out my drink when the character said that, the audacity & stupidity of such a statement.  Still, some people do feel that way.  I guess they never consider the trade-off or not being able to hear or being trapped in a chair forever.  Hearing & mobility, without those in this society, at least for me, would be unimaginably hard, almost herculean.  To lose my music or not be able to go into any store I wanted because it didn't meet the needs of my particular disability would be awful & frustrating.  Only an idiot would be jealous of someone else just because the other person had a disability.

I am on SSI.  I am considered disabled.  I am +.  However, I know things could be so much worse.  I am thankful for not being female, not being deaf & most importantly I am thankful I never had any children.  I'm sure some people would gasp at that statement.   But, what could I do to help them, to take care of them if I did have children?

I am aware that I am thankful for these things.   But, I can't sympathize with them, I'm not even sure I can entirely empathize with these people.  I am none of these things mention above & nothing in my life leaves feeling confident enough to say I know what they're going through & how it feels.  What I can do, is to acknowledge these peoples' struggles, not add to them, be helpful where I can & be very thankful that their lives are not my own.

Knee Jerk...

We all have people in our lives that cause us to react irrationally.  Some people anger us, some just annoy us & others just plain creep us out.  Those are the people I want to talk about today.  Those people in our lives that just send us into reaction mode that have never given us any cause to do or feel anything towards or about them.

Yet we do feel things about them.  Our instincts kick & make our skin crawl or feel the need for fight or flight.  We recently got a new neighbor in the rent house next to us, they happen to be people of color.  I grew up with people, who if they were still alive, would be writing letters to their congressmen telling them to have these people removed immediately. They were the types to look at a person from Cuba & call them a Mexican.  If you had corrected them & told them those people were from Cuba, they'd have told you, " I don't care what part of Mexico he's from."

I know that sounds horrible & racist, but it was the time they were from & the feeling is/was pretty common around these parts.  The town I grow up in only had one little black girl living there, other than the athletes who stayed on the college campus.  It must've been holy hell for her growing up in Miami, OK in the 1970's.  My grandmother would never let me even speak to anyone of color.  She a plethora of names for them, antiquated slurs, but amazingly enough none of them were the N-word.

The funny thing was that my mother, one of the world's top ten lushes, never ever addressed anyone like that.  She never once judged someone on their skin color, religion or whatever other descriptor you could imagine.  I learned tolerance from her, but not because she was exactly tolerant.  I learned not to judge others on those matters because my mother didn't want others judging her for her own short comings.

Regardless of the reason, the fact she didn't judge them stuck with me.  Over the years I've gone to school with, been friends with & even been involved (romantically or just sexually) with people of many ethnic backgrounds.  So, it really bothers me when I have knee-jerk reactions to people that I can't explain.

There is a man who works in a local business I frequent that quite frankly just creeps me out.  I don't know why.  He has never done anything to me.  I've never heard of him doing anything untoward, but still he is Mondo Creepy!  As it turns out, he has the same affect on my roommate.  We debate, is he a serial killer?  Is he a pedophile?  Is he an ax wielding maniac that on fifth Tuesday of every month hunts down people who like local news reporters or what?

It may be fun for us to speculate this matter, but the fact is he has done nothing to merit this contemplation of his personal life.  I have no reason to believe he is any of these things, but in the back of my mind I wonder.  I think, do not make eye contact & back away as quickly as possible without being obvious.

I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.  After all don't they say that serial killers are just like everyone else?  Don't the neighbors of these killy-types generally say the killer was always the most friendly person to have for a neighbor?  Whatever, the guy still creeps me out.  All I can do is try not to act on those feelings or let him realize I feel that way.  Good luck to me on that one.

Rewards

After I'd posted the first month anniversary of my blog, my roommate suggested I be rewarded with something.  I'd been looking at a new chair for my front room where I could use a computer.   Most chairs were to big for the spot in mind or way to deep to sit at & use a computer comfortably.  We noticed a commercial advertising a nice little accent chair at a local chain for under a hundred bucks.  Sounded great, so off we went to Fort Smith to Furniture Factory Outlet, FFO.

There was a wholesale/resale place on the way over so I decided to stop & look to what they might have.  They didn't have what I needed but they did have a lot of good buys on new/used appliances.  I tucked that info neatly away into my swiss-cheese memory & headed out on to FFO.

I get to FFO & ask to see the chairs that they advertised on TV & in print.  They took me to one lone, ugly chair.  Not only was it hideous, it was no where near resembling the one they had shown in the commercial.  It was much wider & far more squat.  The chair they had shown on TV was narrow, like a armed slipper chair.  It had a nice reverse, camel-back apron & a roll-over back.  This chair they were now showing me was a short, squashed cube covered in what felt like burlap with a nasty print.  When I pointed it out, they told it was just the same as the chair they had in he ad.  Fed up, I left.

The van was covered in snow & road sludge, so we decided to wash the car at one of those drive thru, brush car-washes.  It was interesting.  It cleaned the van well.   So well indeed, it cleaned the antenna right off it.  

Then we headed to Big Lots & finally managed to find a chair, or several chairs.  There was a nice little u-shaped accent chair in questionable fabric, a set of shaky parsons chairs & the one I finally choose.  We opted for a normal high-backed, armed computer chair. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was something that  I could live with & could do the job.  Didn't hurt that it was half the price of the of the other options.

It was an interesting experience.  One I should've have expected.  I've never had any luck with ads from furniture stores, especially not outlet ones.  The antenna got replaced & we got out of the house for an excursion.  Seems like the Stones had it right....

One Month Anniversary...

I should be getting a gift for my blog, after all its be a full month since I stared this experience.  Ha, I have no regard for people who feel so unsure of a relationship that they have to mark every passing moment like there won't be another.  Don't misunderstand me, I am a gift giver. I'm actually pretty good at it.  Gifts should have purpose or be totally whimsical, but they should always have the recipient in mind.  There's really nothing worse than getting a gift from someone who's supposed to be involved in your life that had absolutely no thought put into it.  If you don't want to try & get a good gift, just tell the person that you suck at gift giving & give them a money card.


I digress, this is about the relationship between my blog & me.  So far, so good, I can't complain, not like I'm going to take it out to see a movie or anything, it's a blog. This blog was supposed to be about my life after my eleventh HIV-Day.  I haven't wrote about being + everyday & I have no intention of it.  HIV alters my life enough with having to bow down it to every second of the day, 24/7. 


I tried to look for other similar blogs, so far no luck.  The other HIV blogs I've found have been dedicated to technically medical, legislative, hospice, world scene or political.  I'm pretty sure there are HIV blogs out there just about living, maybe I'll find them.  It might nice to read about someone else's experience being +.  I'm sort of used to having to go solo in this issue though.  There aren't any support groups around my area & it's been difficult looking online.  I'm a very gregarious Virgo, I can talk up a storm with someone, but its not usually very personal unless I really, really have to or I know the person.  Opening up on personal matters such as this just isn't me.


The HIV+ 01032001 blogs heads out into its second month wish us luck.

Groundhogs & Bad Teeth...

The little beastie saw his shadow again, so here comes another six weeks of wintery hell.  This little animal shouldn't get to do the weather report even if it is only on February the second.  To add to the drama, I had to go to the dentist.  This meant a 30+ drive on the ice.  Wouldn't have done it but somehow I cracked a tooth.  Never felt a thing until I noticed a sharp place on my tooth.  It had happened yesterday, but no one was in my dentist's office so I had to wait until today.


I got up earlier than normal to get cleaned up just in case the dentist will be in this morning.  I hate morning showers.  My early morning zombie stare self goes into pissed off cat mode for getting wet that damn early in the morning.  Finally they call & say I can make the treacherous drive over to his office in Fort Smith, AR.


I warm up the car & get the roommate in their as well, mind you she went willingly, but sat white knuckled & silent the entire way.  The drive was tedious, it took nearly an hour and a half to make a just over thirty mile drive. The roads were either ice slicks or worse, they were rutted from the semis driving over them.  We only badly fishtailed once, maybe twice, but we made it there.


I had just been in the dentist office in December to have my teeth cleaned & annual looksy/X-ray.  Then they saw nothing, but apparently somehow my tooth had been decaying from the inside, yuck.  I was convinced he was going to say, "You need a root canal," but he didn't.  He just drilled & hacked away at the tooth.  Then the bondo experience began.  He'd do a layer, then wait, do another then stop.  All I could think was that, this is how they plaster walls. Finally he was done.  Actually it took almost no time, it just felt like it was an all morning job.


The dentist told me that somehow the X-ray had missed the internal issue with tooth & that it was a good call to get into him so soon.  There very well might've have been a dreaded root canal in future if I hadn't have gotten in when I did.  


It's not that I fear the root canal because of pain, my dentist is good at dealing with pain issues of dentistry.  No I hate the root canal, because they're expensive.  First a few hundred $$ for that procedure & the several more hundred $$ for the crown that would be needed to cover the root canal.  In my best Mr. Mackey from South Park voice, " Root Canals, they're bad."


The real problem here is that I am +. HIV is hell on teeth, HIV meds can be hell on teeth & in turn not taking care of your teeth can be hell on your HIV.  I'd give a link, but you'd be better just to google HIV dental issues & get the most up to date info, the results are fairly immense.  HIV can lead to numerous dental complications & these complications can lead to infections that can impact your overall health.


I'm home now, tooth fixed, roommate sedating herself with facebook & cats & I am thankful.  I'm grateful my tooth wasn't in worse shape, that we survived the drive & that my roommate (who is terrified of ice) went with me to my appointment.  I am also very thankful for my dentist & his office.  I found a good one, Dr. J, Stephen Wilson At Dental Solutions.

To all those out there in the cold, keep warm & safe.  I hope your teeth are doing well, if not I hope you have a good dentist like mine.

Here Comes The Ice...

In the middle of the night I heard this tapping at my windows, then a skittering sound across the glass.  I woke to figure out it was sleet, the beginnings of a mess.  We're supposed to get an Ice Storm here in OK today. I'm not a fan of the ice, it doesn't really scare me like some people, but I'm still not a fan.  

For those of you that just get snow, snow is far easier to deal with than ice, which is mostly what we get around these parts.  Snow can compact and actually give some traction.  Ice just leads to idiots trying to drive their cars like they're in some auto version of Skating With The Stars or the ice chapter of Top Gear.  Take your choice, neither one is pretty.

Ice demands respect.  If you can't give ice its due, then stay off of it.  Ice can send a well equipped vehicle, with a seasoned driver plummeting into a ditch.  What do think it can do to you & your vehicle?  For a lot of us, that part is avoidable, we just hunker down & stay in our homes.  That doesn't mean we're out of the icy woods though.

No, there are plenty of ways that the ice will still mess with you. Can you open your door or is it frozen shut?  Did your pipes freeze?  Do you still have power?  These are just a few of the bad things that happen in an ice storm.  Imagine being stranded out on an ice covered highway unable to get home.  Ice can leave you totally stranded; no power, no telephone, no way to get to or do anything.

If we are lucky, the ice will turn to snow.  Snow is far less problematic & usually prettier.  Icicles are pretty, you say.  You think those frozen spikes are pretty?  Ice is dangerous.  It can fall off of buildings in chunks or spikes, it can black ice a highway, it break tree limbs that fall through your roof.  I doubt there is little ice can't do if it gets chance.  Ever see a glacier?  


Give the frozen stuff it's due, stay inside if you can, but just play it safe with ice or you might end up like Dr. Yang, here...